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Is your need for control controlling you?

Updated: Aug 23, 2023

Our need to control things out with our control is making us miserable.

Lets look at why control is such a problem.

Maggie is furious.

She has just pulled into a car park and someone is parked over two spaces.

She can not believe it!

The audacity.

She is ranting to her friend, who joins in with the rage.

Now she is in a terrible mood.

Her friend is in a terrible mood.

And the owner of the vehicle doesn't even know either of them exist.

It does not make Maggie more virtuous by pointing out the vehicle.

It makes her upset.

Only that.

Nothing else.

In her desire to control the behaviour of someone else.

To make them in line with what she considers acceptable.

She has created a situation that has ruined her day.

She did that to herself.

The vehicle owner did not.




The desire to keep things in your world neat, tidy and ordered is an expression for your deep desire to control things.

Sometimes this can show up just in one or two areas.

Maybe you cannot believe someone is wearing odd socks.

Maybe you struggle with your work colleagues red shirt and blue trousers.

Maybe you don't like how someone is behaving.

The need to control these things is futile.

Completely pointless.

And all they do is add a little bit of misery to your life.

Try to control enough things and they add a lot of misery to your life.

Just let them go.

Enjoy the chaos.


Control compounds

There's more to control being a problem than just the control itself.

The fact that we try to control things that we cannot makes us feel less in control and in turn we look for more places we can exert control.

It is an infinite loop of seeking control.

Not having it.

Seeking it.

Not having it.

Seeking it.

We need a little chaos.

The world needs chaos.

Think about it.

The natural world is all chaos in appearance.

Things are not neat and symmetrical.

It is not in straight lines and perfect numbers.

It is a modern construct that we have created neatness in a world that does not generate it naturally.

Why do we do it?


We fear the unknown.

We fear the unpredictable.

So we become hypervigilant looking for things we can control.

Looking for ways we can seek the known and predictable.

And this shows up in trite ways because we are so desperate to find things we can predict.

That are safe.

Because they are known.


Let it go.

There is a great sense of freedom in letting go of the futile need to control things we cannot control.

Look out for it.

It is everywhere.

And it is making you miserable.


30 day challenge

We have 30 day challenge in the Online Programs called 'Change your mindset - change your life'.

A 30 day step by step look at why you are who you are and how you can become who you want to be.

If you want to start letting go of the old you so you make space for a new you then it could be a good place to start.


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